todays the day

I see the Boy Wonder and he writes me the report that says my shoulder is at a place where it is at it's medical maximum. Meaning, orthopedically he can do no more. So why not refer me to a neurologist who can figure out what nerves is sparking all the pain? I am already pissed off at his office. This has cost me money, our home, and so many other things.



There was a rape at my daughters' college this week. This is the 2nd one in 5 months. It always was a safe but scary campus at night. Didn't seem like there were enough lights on the walkways. This happened at the women's gym. Thank God she doesn't have a night class but this last attack happened at 1715, still daylight.



Need to find some efax information. This computer used to have a fax system but I never figured it out. I'll have the computer geek kid try and get me one that will work.


More later.

todays the day

I see the Boy Wonder and he writes me the report that says my shoulder is at a place where it is at it's medical maximum. Meaning, orthopedically he can do no more. So why not refer me to a neurologist who can figure out what nerves is sparking all the pain? I am already pissed off at his office. This has cost me money, our home, and so many other things.



There was a rape at my daughters' college this week. This is the 2nd one in 5 months. It always was a safe but scary campus at night. Didn't seem like there were enough lights on the walkways. This happened at the women's gym. Thank God she doesn't have a night class but this last attack happened at 1715, still daylight.



Need to find some efax information. This computer used to have a fax system but I never figured it out. I'll have the computer geek kid try and get me one that will work.

Ah joy

Actually had a nice weekend. Went to church and yesterday I did a tritip and it turned out amazing. Everyone enjoyed it. Cooked it for an hour at 425º and then let it sit covered for 20 minutes. Sliced it up and made fresh guac, chopped maters, a new chipoltle salsa, and had quesadillas with frijoles and cheese. We actually had a family meal and spent it watching Deadliest Catch.

I really enjoy that show, and now that Bones and House are off, it's okay with me.

Tomorrow I get to see the ortho and get my Maximum Medical Improvement exam. Whopee. I am also going to talk to him about the fact that things weren't done on time causing me 4 months of pay, getting evicted and now finding out that my husband's contract ends Friday. I am not going to let myself freak out. He's been contacted by some other companies but who knows how long that will last. We don't have money for a first and last and houses are hard to find. If I had money I'd get a lawyer and sue the bastard for not doing the paperwork in a timely manner and causing me all this distress.

What is next?

Gonna move. Have no choice. Have no money. Haven't had a check since March.
Doctor's office lost paperwork I faxed to them in March. Finally got it and got it turned into the person who told me if I didn't get in they would make my absences AWOL and probably fire me. Appealing to the DOL with new medical information. Would be nice to get some therapy and some help for this big huge knot under my scapula.

Actually took the paperwork in person to the office. Saw one of my old friends from my last position. I don't think I miss it anymore. I could do it but they won't have me back. I did notice that my white board is still up with my cheat numbers written on it. I think they are trying to make everyone in the office a minority. At least that what it seems. Oh well.

Then I took the shuttle to the airport and went to where I had been sending some of my paperwork and found out they don't get it anymore. Went through security and even took off my shoes. I gave the admin person my time off note as well as my new doctor's note. Then out to wait for the bus, whoo hoo. It seemed like every airport bus came except the one I needed. By the time I got it, I was half frozen, then waiting on the train, and it was so cold and raining. Finally the local bus came and I got on it and got off at my stop and walked 2 blocks in the rain. I was so cold when I got home. Brrrr. No umbrella either. Duh.

So life goes on. We've got to find a new place to live, hopefully flat with a decent garage and driveway and room for my dog.

I saw my PCP and got some meds changed. Got a different SSRI but it's generic and I can get it through the mail. Need to see if I can get my HCTZ that way too. I'm trying to avoid taking a bunch of meds. Costs too damn much with copays. I am still dealing with all that is going on.

So well, here it goes. Have a safe weekend. I'm watching the race tomorrow and reading.

What is with this cat?

She decided that my computer chair is where she wants to be. So I get to sit here perched like a kid on a cliff, sitting upright, instead of bracing my back into the back of the chair. I could sit on her but that wouldn't be very nice would it?

No news today. Tomorrow we hope.

Cousin who had accident is back in hospital. Not good. Need to contact his sister and see if she knows what is going on. Wife is a flake.

Wish I could drape said cat around my neck and shoulders to warm it up. I'll just get the heating pad, watch Bones and House ( too bad Hugh Laurie is so married and so Presbyterian) and then sleep.

Tomorrow big night out to dinner with M&P, for their anniversary and for the 19th birthday of my baby. Who went out and applied for JOBS!!! today. Thank you Jesus.

Life is one day at a time. These lyrics put it in perspective:
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best

Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best

Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
Go to the place that's the best

I want that played when I exit this galactic plane; cool huh?

Night all.

Another week starts

My mothers day dinner was der weinerschnitzel chili cheese dogs with onions. And a glass of wine.
I talk with an attorney tomorrow.
I see my PCP on Tuesday, then I contact the ortho office.
It will be an interesting week.
Life is too damn short to be going through this mess.

short and sweet

hospitals are not places to rest and recover
if I tell you the veins aren't good on that arm, listen to me, I know of which I speak
if the front office doesn't speak to the back office and your negligence cost me over $3000 in lost pay, I will hire an attorney and sue your asses
where's that fucking money tree? I need it's fruit now. I don't even have cheese for grilled cheese.
i got an eticket ride in an ambulance and had nuclear isotopes injected into my body. wonder if i glowed?
i am about ready to throttle people and soon.

Where's that peace of mind I need?

MayDay MayDay MayDay

Yesterday I spent the morning writing letters to my doctors, the agency I hate and a senator's minion who is a liaison to the agency that I hate. And I called the doctor's office. I didn't expect to hear from the agency that I hate but you would think the doctor's office would have the courtesy to call. As of now, nope. I am very discouraged. Not to mention totally broke and I have no idea how I will pay my rent, utilities or buy food this month. Pretty sad isn't it?

And of course there is the Princess' birthday this week. She turns 19. God time has flown by. I sometimes think both kids childhoods passed in a blur because of the mental illness of their dad. Now I have to try and remember the fun things. There were good camping trips and trips to visit family. There was the comet trip which I don't think I'll ever forget. But there was the Amway debacle, the addictions, the 12 steps. Amazing we made it out alive.

Spaghetti for dinner tonight. The sauce is made. The husband does the noodles and the garlic bread. Smells good as it comes up the stairs.

Dogs and cats are driving me nuts barking outside. Big dog spent most of the night outside. He did pretty good, he likes to patrol. He'll be out there tonight too. Little dog needs a bath, guess he will get that tonight.

Oh and the PTB changed my schedule without notifying me. When I called in as I am to do daily, except on my Regular Days Off, I was told, oh yeah, you are now M-F from 0800-1630. Thanks for telling me. And when I sent an email to HR asking about it, it was ignored. Story of my life. Boy if I could take the last 6 years back and do over, things would be different.

Before I end I want to say that I am thankful for my friend who lives in Denver. She is my hero. I am also thankful for the friend in Michigan who just had a double mastectomy and started chemo this week. I pray for her every day. As I do my other friends. But these 2 are singled out this week.
Bless them Lord and keep them in your hands.

That's it for now.

Get over it

That is what the Eagles song says. I wish I could. But I have more pain and less treatment. Makes you want to hide away.

Heat is back. Supposed to be really warm tomorrow. Will wear loose clothes to church.

No evidence of any money or anything from the DOL. Got a copy of a letter to the doctor, asking why I need PT? Neither the doctor's office nor I knew we had a new claim number until after the request was made. But of course it's our fault that we didn't know that. Here I could have been having PT and getting some help and what I have been doing, taking meds and falling asleep and stop being coherent sometime mid afternoon. Good thing my kids are grown.

Right now would be a good time for the lottery numbers to hit. It would be a life saver.

Back to my water bottle and cops---- what an exciting Saturday.

And the band plays on......

I am officially off till May 29th. The agency I hate has issued a new claim number and I sent off the doctor's letter from March 17th that had the pertinent info but the wrong claim number on it. Monday I will follow up with another letter to the agency. No wonder I couldn't get any PT. What a freaking joke. And of course just because it's the same name, we can't check that it's about a different issue. Send in the clowns.




They did prescribe a new muscle relaxant for me. Whoo Hoo. It makes me fall asleep. But the pain is diminished some. And they are pink pills. How appropriate...LOL



All else is status quo. Until the injury is accepted, I am broke. When it is, I file the paperwork and hope to God that it goes in and gets processed and the money gets here. Actually this is what happens to all the paperwork that gets sent to those people:



So another quiet weekend. Thank God for books and for DVD's and for cable. Wonder is there is another NCIS marathon this weekend. hmmmm.

And I sent my agency a copy of the letter from my doctor to the other agency saying my wrists and my hands were not the source of my pain and to take me out of that position where I was essentially stable was a very bad idea. Very bad idea. Extra stupid idea. See the reply I got from my agency was they could find someone who didn't have hand problems, surprise, I have shoulder problems ( now back problems thanks to their stupidity) which have been deemed to have reached a place where there is nothing left to do with them. Stable as it will get. Not one single reply from them. I guess they don't know more than the doctor does. But they think they do.



Later alligators!

Hmmm and then . . .

The house is empty right now. One's at work, the other is with her father buying a new toilet seat since he broke the one in the downstairs bathroom. Only fair I say. He broke 1/2 the seat and then today dropped it hard and so both sides are cracked. Fun and pinch.


No change in the back situation. Just imagine waking up, sitting up, and wham it starts to spasm. That's my back, then imagine a hot nail being driven into the joint of your shoulder, that's the way it feels. And no therapy has been approved, I can't afford 25$ a visit on my own, so I am relying on pills and heating pads and lots of pillows in odd places.



Hot today. It was already in the 80's when I got up. House is comfy downstairs. I will take heating pad and go down there after I take another med. Have to be able to get this spasm to lighten up. I see the Boy Wonder on Wednesday. If I can't walk more than 50 feet, sit for more than 15 minutes and still can't lift anything, basically I am screwed. We shall see what he says. He needs to write the DOL and give them hell and give the agency that I work for hell too. I kept my nose clean and head down and he was pleased with the progress and what do they do, kick me out because a smart woman is a dangerous woman in that department. Pain. Pain. Pain. My kid told me my muscles are so tight they could bounce a quarter off them because they are so knotted. Ugh.


So I am going to go downstairs and watch NCIS. I like that show.



later gators.

Vents and then some

I'd love to be on the big island and sitting at the Jagger Museum at HVO and watching the world erupt, or down the road at the new entry site for the lava that's flowing from the Thanksgiving Eve Breakout at Pu'u'O'o. Geology 101 in the making. How much we take for granted, eh?

Pain issues are still the same. I haven't really eaten anything today. Will save my big hunger for dinner, I'm making a pea soup. I shall go down and have a salad around 3 and that will be okay. Haven't had any meds yet and I know I should. I just hate the way they make me feel. All looped out. But at least the pain goes down for a while.

Still have to do taxes. But the husband needs to get his shit together. I may do #1 child's this evening. Nothing good on TV. And daytime tv sucks. Oprah's got the pregnant guy on today. He may be legally a male but he didn't change his plumbing so technically.......oh well not my problem.

Wandering mind, not good. Time to go and stir soup.

Peace to all.

Who knows what is going on

The news is saying chaos in Iraq, people are defaulting on their homes, and the president is wearing his rose colored glasses. What do they feed this guy?

I am still wandering around the house on pain pills. But hey if they take the pain away, I can't drive anywhere, and I can od on CNN.




I wish I lived somewhere I could have a lot of dogs. I suppose if there was a job in the south we could afford a property and I could have a few. I love my baby duffy and rocky is a good boy too.


If I had a doctor like House, I might actually get some treatment without having to sit here penniless waiting on the DOL to decide if I am really hurt. I can give them my back and let them sit and try that. I got my file from the DOL, what a joke.




I need to be on the shore of the lake above, sitting on a dock, with a line in the water and no bait. Just relaxing and meditating about what good things I have been given. Is that so bad?

later alligator

what the world needs

Norman Rockwell knew what our leaders don't.

Pain

Spring has sprung and I am in pain.
No word yet from DOL and I have to file FMLA. Don't even get me started.
Am taking pain pills and sleeping my days away but at least I don't hurt.

Happy spring.

What part about....

You have 30 days from the incident to file a report and they turn you down at 4 days? And then you have to refile another claim form for a relapse of the prior injury? Right now I am getting ready to take some more meds and hope that the pain will diffuse enough that I can go to sleep for a while. Little things would be nice.

I guess I have to get in touch with an attorney who can deal with this shit. And get my paperwork into order. Also see the ortho one more time on Monday. Even sitting straight up hurts.

Plus I heard that they didn't replace my position so no one's there to answer the phone when the office opens. Too bad their faces look so normal with their noses cut off.

Like being loopy

I have to go downstairs and make something to eat so I can take my muscle relaxant. That will be fun. I can lay on the couch and try to read this awesome book on sharks called Devil's Teeth about the Farallon Islands off SFO.



Life is so weird. I had to provide names to "support my allegations" about checking wheelchairs. Who told me I had to do it, who saw me do it, how many did I do? What is this? They put me back in a place where my back and shoulder would be vulnerable. Asshats.


So I have 2 days to recover. When I go back I will file a report and let it go from there. I've still got other things that I have to deal with. Live goes on though and we will manage to get through it okay.


bye kiddos.

The back hurts too now

So I manage to do my job. Sitting most of the day and then standing up to do wheelchairs. Not good.

Somehow I threw my back out. Couldn't get in to see a doctor today. I begged them to send me home, and will see someone tomorrow AM. I took 10mg of muscle relaxer when I got home (had to take train and then bus) and lord it's lovely to be looped. Also have a lidocaine patch on the back. Just really sore. It could be from the crappy chair they have me sitting in. We will see what the doctor says. I can feel it all tightened up on me even now.

These people are fucking nuts.
later.

What can you do when you sit and watch people?

So Sunday I go to my "new" assignment. Sit at exit lane and then go and do Divesture--
take off your shoes:


take off your coats:



laptops and electronics out


=============
Saw the doctor, had 2 xrays. Arthritic changes in top of shoulder. Had shot #10 in shoulder. Should have only worked 4 hours till numbing meds wore off. Hurts alot.
Doc mad that they moved me from where I had done well for 5 months and now back at exit lane. He says they should put me in clerical where I can type and not over use shoulder. Wheelchairs are being done with my left arm. How soon before that one goes?
Don't trust your agency if it's the one I work for. They are liars and want to keep their funding.

The soon to be smurfette.