musings from the back of the church

 No way in God's great green earth would I have a wedding party of more than 40 people.

Why you say amulbunny, why is that? Do you have some special talent for this?

Thanks for asking. I was a wedding hostess/show runner for a long time and I did weddings that were tiny as well as huge. The more people, the more chances for problems. Especially with children. No matter how well behaved little girls and little boys seem, when they are together they get into trouble. I remember a wedding where the bride insisted that her 18 month old son walk down the aisle in his perfect little white tuxedo. How many 18 month old kids obey perfectly? My point exactly. A friend said having that having a lot of kids in a wedding would be like herding cats. And you know how well cats like to be herded?

More is not better. Perhaps after doing weddings for >15 years I am jaded but I think the best ones were the intimate ones. That way your attention is not drawn to the bridesmaid with the huge zit on her face, the groomsman who's got an itch or the junior bride who has to show off for everyone and takes the attention from the 2 people who's special day it is, the bride and groom. And you have to remember that it's their day and no one else's. 

Make sure your photographer et al realize you are in a church and not a hall.

I had a photographer once who jingled his hand in his pockets, with his keys and change the entire wedding when he wasn't taking pictures. It was annoying and disrespectful to the bride. And I've seen videographers literally straddle the communion rail during the service trying to get the best shots. By that time you can't go up there and drag them away and most likely you'll never see these people again so you can't ban them.

Drunks, stoners et al.

I did a wedding once upon a time where the entire wedding party came in a party RV. They were literally shit faced except for the bride who was in tears. When I asked her what possessed them to do this, she said her fiance promised her it would only be a couple of drinks. Yeah right. One of the bridesmaids was so smashed she did a wonderful impression of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. 

There was a wedding where the groomsmen and groom were out behind the church all milled together snorting cocaine. Ah the joys of people who never ever shut up. 

There was a very lovely wedding one afternoon where I went into the brides room to check on things and the bride and her attendants were toasting each other with Cristal and having hors d'oeuvres. They were a fun group. 

Music, music, music

The bride came into the church on traditional music while the groom made his appearance to the theme from Indiana Jones. 

The bride's cousins played in a string quartet that never heard of tuning up before they played.

The organist had a drug problem and fell asleep falling face forward on the keyboard during the vows. 

He didn't do any weddings after that. 

Personally I hate the wedding march from Lohengrin. Detest it actually. I love the Purcell Trumpet Tunes, Canon in D, and any number of other musical pieces to enter a sanctuary in. I think there are so many recessionals that can be played loud and proud and truly not a whole lot of people care what the bridal party is exiting to. They want to get the pictures done and off to the reception. 

And lastly remember this:

It's one day that is special to you. The actual ceremony will be about 35 minutes. If you have communion during your service for the congregation, then add 30-45 minutes. And if you do that, ask for chairs for your attendants if you and your partner decide to participate and hand out the elements. 

You won't remember much of the ceremony, it's a blur. That one special moment when you are introduced is the best one. You aren't chattel property that is being transferred from one person to another, you are a living human being who is making a commitment to another living human being to honor, respect, and love them as good as you can for your lifetime. This transfer of authority thing is sick. 

Celebrate your togetherness with love.

And that's the rant for today.